i read this from 2 corinthians in the message it really struck me. . .

"remember our message is not baout ourselves; were proclaiming jesus christ, the master. all we are is messengers, errand runners from jeesus for you. it started when God said, "light up the darkness." and our lives filled up with light as we saw and understood God in the face of christ, all bright and beautiful. if you only look at us you might well miss the brightness. we carry this precious message around in the unardorned clay pots of our ordinary lives. that is to prevent anyone from confusing Gods incomparable power with us. as it is theres not much chance of that. you know for youselves that were not much to look at. we've been surrounded and battered by troubles, but were not demoralized; were not sure what to do, but we know that God knows what to do; we've been spiritually terrorized; but GOD has not left our side; we have been thrown down, but we have not broken. what they did to jesus they do to us- trial and torture, mockery and murder; what jesus did among them, he does in us. our lives are at a contant risk for jesus sake, which makes jesus' life all the more evident in us. while were going through the worst you are getting in on the best. we are NOT keeping quiet, not on your life. just like the psalmist who wrote, "i believe it, so i said it." we say what we believe. and what we believe is that the one who raised up the master Jesus will just as certainly raise us up with you alive. every detail works to your advantage and to God's glory; more and more grace, more and more people, more and more praise. so were not giving up, how could we? even though on the outside it often looks like things are falling apart on us, on the inside, where God is making new life, not a day goes by without his unfolding grace. these hard times are small potatoes compared to the coming good times, the lavish celebration prepared for us. there is far more here than meets the eye . the things we see now are here today, gone tomorrow. but the things we can not see now will last forever."

life leaves us feeling helpless feeling alone, terrorized, broken, beaten, but despite all we face, God never leaves our side.

this past week was prayer week and we spent hours consumed in communication with God. my prayer slot was from 3-5 in the morning, and there was something so prestine about being awake when it seems as if the world is sleeping. i think i felt God more in those five days than anyother time span i can imagine. i felt torn up thrown around filled overjoyed so overcome with emotions that it was almost an emotionless feeling. we prayed for everything and anything i stayed one time from 11-7 that is 8 hours of consistent connection to God in such an intimate way. it honestly felt as if i had a prayer hangover but in the best way possible, you didnt know waht to do, sleep was forgotten. but it was like you werent tired, God provided energy to make it through. sometimes in giving up things we value, things we think we can not go without, go shows us that He is the only thing we truly need.

i can not begin to explain the presence of God in this place. this past weekend we went to fraser island, it was one of the most prestine places i have seen. it is the biggest sand island in the world, and if you dont enjoy getting dirty, well this was not quite the getaway for you. we had to rent special cars to drive in the sand trails, however we got stuck quite a few times and out we would go to push the cars onward. it was so cool, once it was stuck we would just get out; no questions asked just push and work as one team to make it through until we would get stuck again and the same system would happen over and over. i guess it is like the body of christ, we work together as one, sure we get stuck, but we move forward and push onward as one. i think that is what love is to me, its pushing when you feel as though you can not go any farther, its being united as one unit pressing forward to the goal. look to your left and to your right; who is beside you, pushing forward, surround yourselves with people that will not leave you in the dust.

one stop on the adventure was lake mckensie, it was the bluest lake i have ever witnessed, like one you would see in some commercial or something, a fresh water remote paradise. God was flowing with every crashing wave and with the heat of summer and sweat of the day the water could not have been more refreshing. i see God in this as well, always cool and satisfying coming in just when you need him most.

it was crazy, we slept in tents and had no water, small amounts of food and i could not have been more joyful. the night before hanna and i prayed outside iga for a few hours, for joy for love. i guess for quite sometime i was hit with this lull, this barrier from me to God, i would llook in the mirror and not recognize the face staring back at me. when you dive so deep sometimes you loose yourself, i guess i got lost for a bit. but that night at iga, God gave me life back and as we roamed the sand filled island, joy was apparent in every bit of it. you do not need alot to have joy, actually; you dont need anything but love. God's love. the thing i have learned the most in the past twenty four hours is that i want to love deeper than i have ever loved before;
when someone makes me angry---love
when someone breaks my heart---love
when someone is stupid---love
when i dont agree---love
when i want to cry---love
when i find joy---love
when life doesnt go how i plan---love
love is the key to life. love. God's love.

each week three of us have to do devotions for the class, this week was my turn, i thought i would share it with you:

A characteristic of God that truly moves me is that He is giving. Day after day, sin after sin, person after person he gives and gives and gives. His love is poured out over and over; forgiveness is given day after day. Salvation is offered to those who believe, salvation a selfless gift is available because God gave his son to die on a cross for us.
A characteristic I want to posses is that of gratitude, I think that so many times I personally take for granted the beautiful things of life, the small moments that make up our journey and truly define our character. Look to your left and then to your right each person here is a gift, a gift to the world and to your life. The impact you have left upon me will last a lifetime, and not a day passes that I do not thank God for each one of you. Think of it, if we truly took into account all the many blessings, the breakfast we ate, the clothes we are wearing, the tables we are sitting in, shoes, flowers, balloons, smiles, skateboarding, candy, soccer, the garage you sleep in, a hug from your boyfriend/girlfriend, seeing your best friend, toothbrushes, wearing your hair up, moms, a good book, sunrises, animals, honestly I could go on forever we have so many things to be thankful for, God is a giver. Each day, each hour we live is something to truly celebrate I believe in a life of celebration. I believe that the world we wake up to every day is filled to the brim with deep, aching love, a long lasting love, with smiles and joy happiness and sunshine however it posses down days hatred and sadness. And I know which one of those I want to win in the end, it is love. I want to celebrate in the face of despair, dance when all we see on the horizon is doom. Run when all we feel like doing is sitting, hug when I am angry, forgive when all I want to do is hold a grudge. I know that death knocks at our doors when we least expect it and in some cases comes far to early, but when the time comes for me, I want to be full tilt, wide open, caught in the very act of life. I think that is what we are here for, not for a passive, peaceful life, but to stand up in the face of all that lacks peace and demand for more. I think that is what is so encouraging about God’s love, it is so big that you just can not get enough, for it is uncontainable but always satisfies once you get a taste of it, more is what you crave.
Let’s say I gave you a sweater, and you loved it, I would know because you would wear it so much you’d be on the verge of wearing it out. It would be the sweater you wear on Christmas and to go to class and maybe sleep in when you are cold the one that sits in the back of your car and is seen in pictures over and over. It would distinctly smell like you and have holes and snags and be stretched out but just by looking at it, it tells a story of where it’s been and who you’ve been while wearing it. This is what I want life to be like, like a well loved gift. I think life, just life, just breathing in and out, is a great gift. God gives us something amazing when he gives us life, and I want to live with gratitude. I want to live in a way that shows how much I appreciate the gift. If life were a sweater I would wear it everyday. I wouldn’t save it or keep it for a special occasion. I would find every opportunity to wear that sweater, and I would wear it proudly, shamelessly, for days on end. I guess I want to encourage you to put on your sweater of life this morning and wear it with a smile. I want to play one of my favorite songs which was so wonderfully performed by hanna last week; your love is extravagant I want to emphasize a key line in the lyrics:
Spread wide in the arms of Christ there's a love that covers sinNo greater love have I ever known; You considered me a friendCapture my heart againNo greater love have I ever known, there is no greater love than the love of God; than the gift of God’s love. Don’t let it pass you by, grab hold of it and spread wide in the arms of Christ. Be blessed by God’s gifts take them with gratitude and go and be a blessing. Listen to the words, let them work in your heart, and let God set you free from anything you may be holding back, be consumed in his love, in his unending gift of love.

week 5-->character and nature of God.

This week has posed as one of the most instrumental weeks in my time here. It is a bit crazy really, I feel transformed from the inside out. I don’t know where I was this whole time, I guess consumed in the double life, living back home in Michigan and then starting here. I put my wants and needs first, and for the first time I have surrendered everything to God, all I have all I wanted and desired. I fasted for a few days this week and just simply not eating a few meals leaves you exhausted and empty. There are children that live this way every single day. That fight to see tomorrow and when tomorrow comes there will still be no food. We talked about the sex trafficking and child prostitution that we will get the opportunity to work with on outreach. A member of my dts’s dog passed away and she was crying, but she went on further to explain that God placed it on her heart the tears she was crying for her dog; who cries for the millions of kids dying each day. Who cries for the small girls that are not simply playing with dolls and dress up but are being sold as sex slaves? Who cries for the children dying to the HIV aids virus? There hunger and want for food, for a better life, the desire for more, that’s how we should be in terms of our relationship to God. I struggled to not eat for three days, imagine a life without three meals. Imagine a life without love, without joy, without freedom, a life without Jesus. I have a heart for these children, and am willing to do all I can to see God’s love reach them.
God speaks in ways that go unseen, in ways that we never realize the beauty until one day it simply hits us. I was going for a surf one day after class last week and I got completely rocked by a huge wave. The immense power and pull of the water dragged me to a place I didn’t intend, and it was so strong I just flow along helpless. This week was the character and nature of God; the power of the ocean tide reiterated to me that God is powerful. He has the capability to rock our world if we let him, but we try to go our own way, and it normally sends us dragging to a place we never intended and we fall helpless. The wave of life can be simply but we just need to be ready and not be scared to paddle out and take the ride with God; it will be the best surf of your life. It is truly beautiful to see the way God is working in my classmates as well, they inspire me and encourage me to be and grow with God in new ways. I see God in them everyday each of them I know has crossed my path for such an intricate reason and are shaping me into a better person. Prayer is big. It changes things, people. On Wednesday night worship we took time after worship and each of us were given the opportunity to pray out asking God for what we needed, what we desired in order to be closer to him, to break down all that is holding us back. As we spoke, leaders came and prayed over us, in Matthew it says, “When two or more are gathered I will be there...” All forty of us gathered praying out to God, it was honestly so incredible. Once a week my one on one and I go to the sunrise. Every time I leave saying wow, that was the best sunrise I have ever seen. It is so funny, each time it is so different, so unique, so beautiful and perfect. It is so dark when we get there, and suddenly in time light comes and aluminates the entire night sky, and morning arrives. My prayer for this week is that God the light of the world will laminate the darkness that infiltrates many hearts. I pray He comes and shines bright, and awakens everyone.