To begin this entry I have to say that I am so overcome with so different emotions I feel it is as if a winter snow storm is taking place in my heart, freezing cold, windy, icy, hail, sleet, slush a true mess but at the same time such a beautiful mess. It has never been said that life would be easy, but I feel that the best things in life shouldn’t be. It is in lose that you find gain, in hardship that you see victory, that is what keeps one going, the thrill of what is to come. In eight days from now I will be in Africa, just the thought of that sets my heart on fire. Over the past two months I have grown so passionate about the work we will be doing, and truly honored to get the chance to begin such an adventure but leaving will not be easy. Australia and the way of life here has become comfortable, and God has instill speakers that taught us of life and to live for Christ in a world full of darkness. It is crazy to think that 11 weeks can simply fly by. I guess what they say is true, don’t blink; you may miss what is right in front of you. I feel like in a blink of an eye one chapter closes and another begins. I am not liable to say what is going to happen next, but I can promise that I am giving God the pen and will we write the story together.
In Philippians 1:29 it says, “For he has graciously granted you the privilege not only of believing in Christ, but of suffering for him as well…”
Many people, me being one of them, consider life a joyous and fun filled adventure, until something goes wrong/something happens that we didn’t plan. This week this verse hit me hard, straight to my heart. Never before did I realize the true privilege of what believing in God entitles one to. We should take pride in being a people that not simply just believes but suffers for the one we love. What passion and desire comes when a person gives all they have, endures trial but has love, love is all we need, the love of the Father is all we need; and it is by that love that we have life, that we can be and go and do and see and strive for more. You give up what you know, family, friends, surroundings, home, school, a love you were once accustom to, a life when you were once aware of what is next, leaving you at a point of nothingness now that is when you are truly whole. The things of the world, the things we take comfort in, reside in and call home. Jesus is the only home, the only place one can truly take refuge. So I encourage you to live and not hold back, to love and not grow weary, take joy in suffering, suffering for the Father.

To begin this entry I have to say that I am so overcome with so different emotions I feel it is as if a winter snow storm is taking place in my heart, freezing cold, windy, icy, hail, sleet, slush a true mess but at the same time such a beautiful mess. It has never been said that life would be easy, but I feel that the best things in life shouldn’t be. It is in lose that you find gain, in hardship that you see victory, that is what keeps one going, the thrill of what is to come. In eight days from now I will be in Africa, just the thought of that sets my heart on fire. Over the past two months I have grown so passionate about the work we will be doing, and truly honored to get the chance to begin such an adventure but leaving will not be easy. Australia and the way of life here has become comfortable, and God has instill speakers that taught us of life and to live for Christ in a world full of darkness. It is crazy to think that 11 weeks can simply fly by. I guess what they say is true, don’t blink; you may miss what is right in front of you. I feel like in a blink of an eye one chapter closes and another begins. I am not liable to say what is going to happen next, but I can promise that I am giving God the pen and will we write the story together.
In Philippians 1:29 it says, “For he has graciously granted you the privilege not only of believing in Christ, but of suffering for him as well…”
Many people, me being one of them, consider life a joyous and fun filled adventure, until something goes wrong/something happens that we didn’t plan. This week this verse hit me hard, straight to my heart. Never before did I realize the true privilege of what believing in God entitles one to. We should take pride in being a people that not simply just believes but suffers for the one we love. What passion and desire comes when a person gives all they have, endures trial but has love, love is all we need, the love of the Father is all we need; and it is by that love that we have life, that we can be and go and do and see and strive for more. You give up what you know, family, friends, surroundings, home, school, a love you were once accustom to, a life when you were once aware of what is next, leaving you at a point of nothingness now that is when you are truly whole. The things of the world, the things we take comfort in, reside in and call home. Jesus is the only home, the only place one can truly take refuge. So I encourage you to live and not hold back, to love and not grow weary, take joy in suffering, suffering for the Father.

the life we live is one of indescrible opportunity, however; it can only be that if you grab hold of it and utilize it. i guess that is what i am learning. this past week we had a week of evangelism. we helped out with an organization and went down to a town nearby it was a week comparable to a "spring break" or holiday for the graduating students. we got to take part in making there week be the most safe but yet enjoyable experience. we created a dance party and had consecutive nights of running around/jumping up and down singing and smiles. i think i am still recovering from the dancing it was a blast and play my song i might just run the until the beat stops. . . :]however admist it all we created relationships and over time were able to open up and pour out God onto the students, it was not forced or awkward it just happened. life can work like that, God works like that, you dont expect it and then it flows and goes so smoothly and the words come and form and God rocks up.

i feel that the life what we live and the world could be explained in picture you see i feel that people are like grass, grass is green and similar and it needs to be tended to and taken care of. grass is like the world you try to hard to be the same to be like everyone else you dont want to have any imperfections or flaws and you just desire to please and stay fresh. Then there are trees; trees stand firm and stand out admist a yard full of grass, they grow and get big and send out protection, providing shade on a sunny day. the world needs trees, needs people that stand out of the crowd that arent afraid to grow and work to be different.
so i challenge you, even if its easier to be grass, do what you can to be a tree, to standout for christ jesus, to plant your roots and fly, to grow and be all God has.

i read this from 2 corinthians in the message it really struck me. . .

"remember our message is not baout ourselves; were proclaiming jesus christ, the master. all we are is messengers, errand runners from jeesus for you. it started when God said, "light up the darkness." and our lives filled up with light as we saw and understood God in the face of christ, all bright and beautiful. if you only look at us you might well miss the brightness. we carry this precious message around in the unardorned clay pots of our ordinary lives. that is to prevent anyone from confusing Gods incomparable power with us. as it is theres not much chance of that. you know for youselves that were not much to look at. we've been surrounded and battered by troubles, but were not demoralized; were not sure what to do, but we know that God knows what to do; we've been spiritually terrorized; but GOD has not left our side; we have been thrown down, but we have not broken. what they did to jesus they do to us- trial and torture, mockery and murder; what jesus did among them, he does in us. our lives are at a contant risk for jesus sake, which makes jesus' life all the more evident in us. while were going through the worst you are getting in on the best. we are NOT keeping quiet, not on your life. just like the psalmist who wrote, "i believe it, so i said it." we say what we believe. and what we believe is that the one who raised up the master Jesus will just as certainly raise us up with you alive. every detail works to your advantage and to God's glory; more and more grace, more and more people, more and more praise. so were not giving up, how could we? even though on the outside it often looks like things are falling apart on us, on the inside, where God is making new life, not a day goes by without his unfolding grace. these hard times are small potatoes compared to the coming good times, the lavish celebration prepared for us. there is far more here than meets the eye . the things we see now are here today, gone tomorrow. but the things we can not see now will last forever."

life leaves us feeling helpless feeling alone, terrorized, broken, beaten, but despite all we face, God never leaves our side.

this past week was prayer week and we spent hours consumed in communication with God. my prayer slot was from 3-5 in the morning, and there was something so prestine about being awake when it seems as if the world is sleeping. i think i felt God more in those five days than anyother time span i can imagine. i felt torn up thrown around filled overjoyed so overcome with emotions that it was almost an emotionless feeling. we prayed for everything and anything i stayed one time from 11-7 that is 8 hours of consistent connection to God in such an intimate way. it honestly felt as if i had a prayer hangover but in the best way possible, you didnt know waht to do, sleep was forgotten. but it was like you werent tired, God provided energy to make it through. sometimes in giving up things we value, things we think we can not go without, go shows us that He is the only thing we truly need.

i can not begin to explain the presence of God in this place. this past weekend we went to fraser island, it was one of the most prestine places i have seen. it is the biggest sand island in the world, and if you dont enjoy getting dirty, well this was not quite the getaway for you. we had to rent special cars to drive in the sand trails, however we got stuck quite a few times and out we would go to push the cars onward. it was so cool, once it was stuck we would just get out; no questions asked just push and work as one team to make it through until we would get stuck again and the same system would happen over and over. i guess it is like the body of christ, we work together as one, sure we get stuck, but we move forward and push onward as one. i think that is what love is to me, its pushing when you feel as though you can not go any farther, its being united as one unit pressing forward to the goal. look to your left and to your right; who is beside you, pushing forward, surround yourselves with people that will not leave you in the dust.

one stop on the adventure was lake mckensie, it was the bluest lake i have ever witnessed, like one you would see in some commercial or something, a fresh water remote paradise. God was flowing with every crashing wave and with the heat of summer and sweat of the day the water could not have been more refreshing. i see God in this as well, always cool and satisfying coming in just when you need him most.

it was crazy, we slept in tents and had no water, small amounts of food and i could not have been more joyful. the night before hanna and i prayed outside iga for a few hours, for joy for love. i guess for quite sometime i was hit with this lull, this barrier from me to God, i would llook in the mirror and not recognize the face staring back at me. when you dive so deep sometimes you loose yourself, i guess i got lost for a bit. but that night at iga, God gave me life back and as we roamed the sand filled island, joy was apparent in every bit of it. you do not need alot to have joy, actually; you dont need anything but love. God's love. the thing i have learned the most in the past twenty four hours is that i want to love deeper than i have ever loved before;
when someone makes me angry---love
when someone breaks my heart---love
when someone is stupid---love
when i dont agree---love
when i want to cry---love
when i find joy---love
when life doesnt go how i plan---love
love is the key to life. love. God's love.

each week three of us have to do devotions for the class, this week was my turn, i thought i would share it with you:

A characteristic of God that truly moves me is that He is giving. Day after day, sin after sin, person after person he gives and gives and gives. His love is poured out over and over; forgiveness is given day after day. Salvation is offered to those who believe, salvation a selfless gift is available because God gave his son to die on a cross for us.
A characteristic I want to posses is that of gratitude, I think that so many times I personally take for granted the beautiful things of life, the small moments that make up our journey and truly define our character. Look to your left and then to your right each person here is a gift, a gift to the world and to your life. The impact you have left upon me will last a lifetime, and not a day passes that I do not thank God for each one of you. Think of it, if we truly took into account all the many blessings, the breakfast we ate, the clothes we are wearing, the tables we are sitting in, shoes, flowers, balloons, smiles, skateboarding, candy, soccer, the garage you sleep in, a hug from your boyfriend/girlfriend, seeing your best friend, toothbrushes, wearing your hair up, moms, a good book, sunrises, animals, honestly I could go on forever we have so many things to be thankful for, God is a giver. Each day, each hour we live is something to truly celebrate I believe in a life of celebration. I believe that the world we wake up to every day is filled to the brim with deep, aching love, a long lasting love, with smiles and joy happiness and sunshine however it posses down days hatred and sadness. And I know which one of those I want to win in the end, it is love. I want to celebrate in the face of despair, dance when all we see on the horizon is doom. Run when all we feel like doing is sitting, hug when I am angry, forgive when all I want to do is hold a grudge. I know that death knocks at our doors when we least expect it and in some cases comes far to early, but when the time comes for me, I want to be full tilt, wide open, caught in the very act of life. I think that is what we are here for, not for a passive, peaceful life, but to stand up in the face of all that lacks peace and demand for more. I think that is what is so encouraging about God’s love, it is so big that you just can not get enough, for it is uncontainable but always satisfies once you get a taste of it, more is what you crave.
Let’s say I gave you a sweater, and you loved it, I would know because you would wear it so much you’d be on the verge of wearing it out. It would be the sweater you wear on Christmas and to go to class and maybe sleep in when you are cold the one that sits in the back of your car and is seen in pictures over and over. It would distinctly smell like you and have holes and snags and be stretched out but just by looking at it, it tells a story of where it’s been and who you’ve been while wearing it. This is what I want life to be like, like a well loved gift. I think life, just life, just breathing in and out, is a great gift. God gives us something amazing when he gives us life, and I want to live with gratitude. I want to live in a way that shows how much I appreciate the gift. If life were a sweater I would wear it everyday. I wouldn’t save it or keep it for a special occasion. I would find every opportunity to wear that sweater, and I would wear it proudly, shamelessly, for days on end. I guess I want to encourage you to put on your sweater of life this morning and wear it with a smile. I want to play one of my favorite songs which was so wonderfully performed by hanna last week; your love is extravagant I want to emphasize a key line in the lyrics:
Spread wide in the arms of Christ there's a love that covers sinNo greater love have I ever known; You considered me a friendCapture my heart againNo greater love have I ever known, there is no greater love than the love of God; than the gift of God’s love. Don’t let it pass you by, grab hold of it and spread wide in the arms of Christ. Be blessed by God’s gifts take them with gratitude and go and be a blessing. Listen to the words, let them work in your heart, and let God set you free from anything you may be holding back, be consumed in his love, in his unending gift of love.

week 5-->character and nature of God.

This week has posed as one of the most instrumental weeks in my time here. It is a bit crazy really, I feel transformed from the inside out. I don’t know where I was this whole time, I guess consumed in the double life, living back home in Michigan and then starting here. I put my wants and needs first, and for the first time I have surrendered everything to God, all I have all I wanted and desired. I fasted for a few days this week and just simply not eating a few meals leaves you exhausted and empty. There are children that live this way every single day. That fight to see tomorrow and when tomorrow comes there will still be no food. We talked about the sex trafficking and child prostitution that we will get the opportunity to work with on outreach. A member of my dts’s dog passed away and she was crying, but she went on further to explain that God placed it on her heart the tears she was crying for her dog; who cries for the millions of kids dying each day. Who cries for the small girls that are not simply playing with dolls and dress up but are being sold as sex slaves? Who cries for the children dying to the HIV aids virus? There hunger and want for food, for a better life, the desire for more, that’s how we should be in terms of our relationship to God. I struggled to not eat for three days, imagine a life without three meals. Imagine a life without love, without joy, without freedom, a life without Jesus. I have a heart for these children, and am willing to do all I can to see God’s love reach them.
God speaks in ways that go unseen, in ways that we never realize the beauty until one day it simply hits us. I was going for a surf one day after class last week and I got completely rocked by a huge wave. The immense power and pull of the water dragged me to a place I didn’t intend, and it was so strong I just flow along helpless. This week was the character and nature of God; the power of the ocean tide reiterated to me that God is powerful. He has the capability to rock our world if we let him, but we try to go our own way, and it normally sends us dragging to a place we never intended and we fall helpless. The wave of life can be simply but we just need to be ready and not be scared to paddle out and take the ride with God; it will be the best surf of your life. It is truly beautiful to see the way God is working in my classmates as well, they inspire me and encourage me to be and grow with God in new ways. I see God in them everyday each of them I know has crossed my path for such an intricate reason and are shaping me into a better person. Prayer is big. It changes things, people. On Wednesday night worship we took time after worship and each of us were given the opportunity to pray out asking God for what we needed, what we desired in order to be closer to him, to break down all that is holding us back. As we spoke, leaders came and prayed over us, in Matthew it says, “When two or more are gathered I will be there...” All forty of us gathered praying out to God, it was honestly so incredible. Once a week my one on one and I go to the sunrise. Every time I leave saying wow, that was the best sunrise I have ever seen. It is so funny, each time it is so different, so unique, so beautiful and perfect. It is so dark when we get there, and suddenly in time light comes and aluminates the entire night sky, and morning arrives. My prayer for this week is that God the light of the world will laminate the darkness that infiltrates many hearts. I pray He comes and shines bright, and awakens everyone.

here i am, all of me, take my life, it's all for thee

Nothing good comes easily. You have to lose things you thought you loved, give up things you thought you needed. You have to get over yourself, beyond your past, out from under the weight of your future. The good stuff never comes when things are easy. It comes when things are all heavily weighted down pressing on you. It comes just when you think it never will, like a traveler in the desert you crave water you see it everywhere in everything possible your mind plays tricks on you but finally there is a stream, a blessing that rose up from that dry empty stretch and the cold water replenishes you, bringing you back to life.
So to is this with Jesus, so many days we spend in the desert of our soul, searching for something to replenish our broken hearts. The desperation, the pure longing to feel something to feel rejuvenated; one looses themselves in the world, in the alcohol, the drugs, the skipping class, staying out late, the bending the rules type. Or maybe you find yourself lost in something else, the popularity, the clothes, the makeup, you cover your self up to be so beautiful on the outside while your heart is completely broken on the inside. This is the desert of life, when you trek miles in the sand and maybe once these things satisfy maybe once they give a glimpse of belonging, but nothing, no nothing can compare to the sense of belonging that is found in Christ Jesus.
I feel that life is two fold; for some time I found myself consumed in the day to day kind of life, the make breakfast do the dishes, check facebook, go to class, live on a schedule but I feel that just underneath all the demands is a sacred beauty like a rainbow overtaking the sky after a peaceful rain. In the midst of the pressure of the stress something special that weaves within the same old thing, like a beautiful sunrise, the love of a good friend, a text message that brightens your heart, a great book, the perfect song, a brand new shirt, a bird chirping in the mid morning simply reminds you that although homework is real there is so much more that is real to. The sacred mixes in with daily life like when you do something courageous or you truly see your heart changing I mean its still a normal day but God speaks to us through these small glimpses of joy of beauty we just need to open our eyes to them.
Hope and redemption and change are real they are tangible and happening all around, I can honestly say I have wasted so many days of my life reflecting upon the pain of my past. It knocks at the door and so seemingly I let it in. Day after day carrying around pointless heartbreak and disappointment its easy to think of the downsides of life the large pile of homework waiting on your desk, not getting a call back from a friend, eating to much food, I love the sun way to much and I will get wrinkles probably at a young age, I am scared for my future and it leaves me questioning my day to day decisions, but we cant fear the unknown for hope and change arise. Don’t miss life focusing on what you can not change love the gift of life, being angry doesn’t change them. No it is impossible to change what has happened to you or mebut what we have is today, and today is a gift, and if we get tomorrow, then tomorrow is a gift.
It is so easy to be miserable and unhappy, but do what you can to create hope. Choose joy, choose to love the life you live. Sure you can just live a normal life waiting on something big, but today just plain old today the homebrand food and walking everywhere ywam life of today is a gift and it is worth it. I believe it is our job to live each day like it’s a special occasion because were given this gift, we get to live in this beautiful world. Get up and dance instead of sitting down, laugh when you want to cry, hug when you want to fight, smile when all you can do is frown; this life is a gift. God placed you here to be and fight and pursue and succeed, open this gift and do it.

there is no one else for me.

[there is no one else for me, none but Jesus; crucified to set me free, now i live to bring him praise.]

this week we focused on the kingdom of God and truly it revealed a part of my heart i knew was there but was finally surfaced. It's crazy, for days i sit baffled at what God did for us, the true beauty of christianity and this kingdom. Honestly, think for a second; jesus was crucified, died to set us free and he asks nothing of us but to simply be filled with his unconditional love. Were so blessed, like here we go off to do and live life and get so consumed in our day to day schedules, our "to-do" list society and we forget to invite God in, into his own kingdom? its funny really. As christians we want to make the world a defined place. Where it is evident that we have something different, we posses a unique joy, because we do, we have the gift of eternity of salvation. I want to go into the mall or to school or to a normal place on the street and have my life look different to others, that they turn and say "i want what they have" that connection with God, that oneness with the creator.

God is teaching me things in waves, in crashes of water rolling into the soft shore. its all so powerful like a big wave and each week i gain more and more insite to God and it builds and builds and by the weekend it comes crashing in and i break, and its beautiful because for once i am not placing the pieces back together, but it's God reorganizing my heart, its painful, and sometimes i hate it, but when its all said and done, i feel renewed. Then the wave rolls out and it begins again, its consumes and replenishes.
the ocean is a powerful thing and a good comparison to God. its big and scary and it is filled with so many unknowns. the water is salty and can leave you feeling like a salty potatoe chip for hours after a quick swim. its beautiful and breathtaking and its used for many things; swimming, boating, surfing, fishing....and on and on. God's love is big and at times scary and is filled with many unknown things that make it all the more desirable all the more ready to go head on and full force. it leaves you with a long lasting impression and once you get a taste you just can not get enough, and you just want to dive in.

summer is slowly approaching here and it is beautiful. the sights and sounds and things of australia are breathtaking. i had a few breathtaking moments this week. on monday's we go to mooloolaba to evangelize; kale and i got the opportunity to talk with a man for an hour or so just about life and God and kale prayed over him as we parted ways and tears overtook his being. Here we sat with a stranger we knew for an hour and the words of God brought us to such a complete relationship. God's love wipes away any simple skepticisms the world holds, it didnt matter what we had in common to the world, we had jesus and everything comes together with jesus. on wed. we had lectures and were given the opportunity to write anything we wanted to surrender to God on a sheet of paper and nail it to the cross. It hit me hard, harder than i imagined things i didnt realize i held onto, it was so assuring to give it to God, put it in his hands.

i wish i had the correct words to explain all that God is doing, but it goes beyond a simple word or phrase, this song in church struck my heart it goes "there is no one else for me, none but jesus; crucified to set me free, now i live to bring him praise." there is no one else for me, this i learn each day, all we need is jesus. he was crucified to set us free, let us live our lives to bring him praise.

devotion i wrote: a gentle rain.

--> The riskiest things always yield the best, most beautiful things. Failure, loosing yourself, falling face first with nothing left. That’s when it seems God finds us, dusts us off and puts us back on our feet. I feel that when the worst of things happen a gentle rain falls from above, as if it is God’s peaceful way of saying, your clean my child it is all washed away in me, just have faith. When the road gets dark and you can no longer see just have a little faith in me. I feel that every life tells a story, through words and actions and choices, through our homes and our children, through our friends and our clothes and dishes and perfume. We each play a character in a grand drama, and every stage direction matters. We tell our stories, and let God’s story be told through our stories. We hide and we seek and we lose ourselves in the best possible way, and find things around us and inside ourselves we never expected. See that’s the beauty of life, what holds as important is not simply the final destination but the journey that led you there. It is our past, present and future that is the general make-up for who we are today and what gives us the full reign to change who we will become tomorrow. We hold the key to change but getting it is never easy. Patience causes us to fall off track and go to other things as a sence of enjoyment of fulfillment. Saying no to what use to bring us joy and changing is one of the hardest virtues in life. Everyone would like to change something about them but only few people are strong enough, bold enough, willing to say no, willing to give up a peace of them of what they were use to. We are so selfish in this world, we want and we want and we want. And then when we want from God, we are not willing to meet halfway we expect him to completely transform our heart as we sit there sacrificing nothing. This phrase keeps coming to mind, actions speak louder than words. Don’t get caught saying your hopes and dreams, your aspirations if you are not willing to alter your actions as hopes of getting there. Sure its painful, its hard it’s a risk but even the days that you feel so bogged down, broken, overburdened with the demands of life God steps in and sends a gentle rain that cleanses everything.

seeing God.

know God and make him know n.

i am in australia and God is rocking my world. i look outside and see the shining sun and immediatly get consumed in his goodness. It is hard to even explain the many emotions that have overtaken my body this week. i live in a house with ten girls and share a garage with five of them. it currently flooded and all our clothes got wet, we had to shut off our water and if it is on shower time is limited to none. i smell of ocean and taste like salt and i love it. my ipod broke and no internet is in our house, my cell phone doesnt work and when we are at the church internet works on occasion and its wonderful. God is taking the things i once thought was important and limiting me to nothing, or in reality to all i need, HIM. classes started monday and this week is really orientation, getting the hang of things and how it all works, but we had a night worship that left me forever changed. Everyone sat on one side of the room all holding rocks. a line seperating us from the other side. a chair in the front of the room we walked up one by one and shared our testimonies. pouring our hearts out to people we have known for only a few days, going up sitting there exposing all your secrets all your insecurities and when finished you put the rock in the bucket and cross over to the other side; leaving all your past, all your sins behind. and crossing over to the freeness, to the immense power and forgiveness of God. it was incredible, being here is incredible. God is what we eat for breakfast, and consume for dinner, he is everywhere and in everything and the meaning and validity of life here can not be explained in words. i hope to update more often, but for now know how much i am praying for all of you and feel honored to be here to be able to share God's love. we had this metaphore refering to the evangelism were going to be starting. they said lets say your throwing a party and your using tickets as means of getting the word out and inviting people, you would do all you could to get them to everyone to have the biggest most wonderful party possible. but once the party arrives lets say your still left with millions of tickets, millions of people left uninvited, how lame would that be, how sad would you feel and dissappointed at the turnout. same is with God, with salvation. heaven is a party and we have to get the word out INVITE EVERYONE. we as christians as followers of God hold the tickets, lets invite everyone.