i read this from 2 corinthians in the message it really struck me. . .

"remember our message is not baout ourselves; were proclaiming jesus christ, the master. all we are is messengers, errand runners from jeesus for you. it started when God said, "light up the darkness." and our lives filled up with light as we saw and understood God in the face of christ, all bright and beautiful. if you only look at us you might well miss the brightness. we carry this precious message around in the unardorned clay pots of our ordinary lives. that is to prevent anyone from confusing Gods incomparable power with us. as it is theres not much chance of that. you know for youselves that were not much to look at. we've been surrounded and battered by troubles, but were not demoralized; were not sure what to do, but we know that God knows what to do; we've been spiritually terrorized; but GOD has not left our side; we have been thrown down, but we have not broken. what they did to jesus they do to us- trial and torture, mockery and murder; what jesus did among them, he does in us. our lives are at a contant risk for jesus sake, which makes jesus' life all the more evident in us. while were going through the worst you are getting in on the best. we are NOT keeping quiet, not on your life. just like the psalmist who wrote, "i believe it, so i said it." we say what we believe. and what we believe is that the one who raised up the master Jesus will just as certainly raise us up with you alive. every detail works to your advantage and to God's glory; more and more grace, more and more people, more and more praise. so were not giving up, how could we? even though on the outside it often looks like things are falling apart on us, on the inside, where God is making new life, not a day goes by without his unfolding grace. these hard times are small potatoes compared to the coming good times, the lavish celebration prepared for us. there is far more here than meets the eye . the things we see now are here today, gone tomorrow. but the things we can not see now will last forever."

life leaves us feeling helpless feeling alone, terrorized, broken, beaten, but despite all we face, God never leaves our side.

this past week was prayer week and we spent hours consumed in communication with God. my prayer slot was from 3-5 in the morning, and there was something so prestine about being awake when it seems as if the world is sleeping. i think i felt God more in those five days than anyother time span i can imagine. i felt torn up thrown around filled overjoyed so overcome with emotions that it was almost an emotionless feeling. we prayed for everything and anything i stayed one time from 11-7 that is 8 hours of consistent connection to God in such an intimate way. it honestly felt as if i had a prayer hangover but in the best way possible, you didnt know waht to do, sleep was forgotten. but it was like you werent tired, God provided energy to make it through. sometimes in giving up things we value, things we think we can not go without, go shows us that He is the only thing we truly need.